I collect books...not old or rare or anything like that, I just adore reading and if I really enjoy a book I will read it several times. My book collection is well over 300 books...maybe more...who knows I've not really counted...except I know I have around 200 in my bedroom at home and I have more in the livingroom and a lot more here so yeah lots of books.

(Just a note, I hope I can think of 30 things about myself)

1. I secretly want to be in the FBI, not the CIA or any of the British ones, just the FBI, why? Have you ever watched a British crime drama that didn't suck? At least the American's know how to make things seem interesting lol.

2. The theme music from The West Wing makes me feel patriotic, I'm not American and have no major love for them, so this befuddles me.

3. I love Classical music.

4. When/if I get married I want to walk down the aisle to one of the softer instrumental pieces from the new Star Trek movie...its a beautiful piece. XD

5. Also, I want a hog roast at my reception.

6. I can't swim in fact I'm terrified of deep water, to the point where seeing sunken ships in documentaries makes me feel panicky.

7. I adore pirates and would become one if given the chance...and this didn't stem from Jack Sparrow, I've loved them a long time.

8. I hope to publish a novel one day...I just need to get on with writing it.

9. I've never finished anything longer than a short story (10,000 words roughly) so this makes the above thing a challenge.

10. I don't mind clowns too much, it's Mimes that freak me out.

11. I can't understand people who say Terry Pratchett isn't a brilliant author.

12. I don't know how to talk to people who aren't intelligent, even people with average intellects just confuse me...seriously, Eastenders and Big Brother, how is this interesting to people?

13. I struggle to make friends and keep them.

14. I'm antisocial and want a job where human interaction is minimal.

15. No I don't find this sad, I really don't care.

16. I also don't care about politics, I try to care but I just don't.

17. I very rarely finish video games, my attention span is small.

18. I own more than 400 books in estimate...maybe more...I haven't counted all of them.

19. I rarely forgive liars, I also think people who lie to my face (unless its about surprises that are nice) don't deserve to be forgiven.

20. I can sing in Latin, Hebrew, Japanese and English.

21. If you can't sing better than me you shouldn't be awarded for being a singer...*looks pointedly at Amy Winehouse and Duffy*

22. If I cook for more people than myself why should I do the washing up?

23. More to the point, why do I keep doing the washing up despite being the one to cook?

24. I love dancing but am not particularly good at it, I also don't care.

25. There are a few people in this world I would love to slap and hard, I won't get a chance to do it though.

26. I'm all for the death penalty for people who rape and kill other people, why should they get a soft life in prison?

27. My favourite recipe is chicken and mushroom risotto, I'd eat it more than once a week if I thought I could get away with it.

28. I miss my cats more than my parents.

29. I don't have any friends in Greater Manchester, I have no desire to live there after uni.

30. Number 14 is why I don't have any friends in Greater Manchester also see number 12.

I've made it a bad habit to transfer from one place to another.
Lets see.
High Schools.

Started at Mansfield High School at the age of 11, was bullied badly and eventually transferred to Edge End High School at the age of 13.

College.
Started College at Nelson and Colne College, hated it beyond all belief and generally decided I wasn't smart enough for education. Quit and tried unsuccessfully to get a job.

Mum convinced me to give it another go, said I was smart enough just needed a better environment and better teachers. At 20 I started at Hyde Clarendon Sixth Form. I showed signs of improvement immediately and earned decent grades, 2 B's and a C (not bad for a person everyone said was stupid at my old schools)

University
Started at Hope University and by Christmas had had enough. It was shite and what's worse, they were dragging me down with them.

Liverpool University. Am still here and now half way through my second year, am considering applying for a Masters and maybe going on further.

Yes, my places of education have damaged my self esteem, I was bullied for fifteen years and had almost no confidence in myself and my ability to think. I'm gaining it back slowly but like anyone with low self esteem little things can do damage so my friends have to be careful not to tease me too much because I could end up thinking they hate me...I'm like that.
I now know I'm smart but I often doubt my own abilities leading to me not putting something in an essay because I think its wrong and then finding out its right...I'm working on that but its an uphill climb.

Meme, stolen because I can.

Leave a ONE WORD comment that you think best describes me. It can only be one word. No more than one word. Then copy & paste this post to your own journal so I can leave a word about you.

I'm very glad I don't study Chemistry, the other day the building sort of exploded, well, something in the building went kaboom and then the windows were blown out. Its practically the same thing, either way, chemistry = danger, danger will robinson.

History has less explosions, I'll stick with that.

I had a lot of weird dreams last night, one dream I was still in High School and it was raining a lot so I decided the best thing to do would be to walk to school bare foot so my socks didn't get soaked. I got lost because people kept asking favours of me and even though I didn't know them I felt the need to help, after four hours of wandering around I went back home and dad didn't believe me. Then I woke up.

I had another dream but for some reason I can't remember it now, that's kind of annoying.

Colin Adams, (Colinus, the Roman History lecturer) was in my dream too, he gave me a lift home because I was carrying a heavy box of books. Even though I was supposed to be in High School he recognised me because I'm his student. How very odd...I cant imagine him ever giving me a lift home.

My thumb keeps twitching, it's very annoying, Tom thinks its stress related and he could be right, but every hour or so it starts twitching and it doesn't hurt though last night it was aching so I took some ibuprofen to help. Hopefully once this last essay is finished I can relax and have a few days rest before I start typing up my notes and revising. Yes its Christmas but I'm no longer a first year, I have to work hard this year to make sure I pass well. (keep your fingers crossed for me, k thanks)

I'm feeling quite tired still...I have a class in an hour...bugger.

Later days.

Several things to talk about.
First, am I going mad or did I just imagine that damn book? When I was young (between the ages of 9 and 12) I read a book dad brought home from the library, it was about a male student (of about 16) and a female teacher, she knew his mother who disappeared when he was young leaving his dad a wreck who kills himself on his son's birthday. She takes him through a gateway to another world, where things happen that were generally awesome (I can't remember what other than he becomes almost a warrior) and they go back through the portal type thing and she isn't there and he spends the rest of his life waiting for her (they fall in love...not that icky considering he's about 16 and she's only about 26).
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading the book, but I don't remember the name of the book so I can't find it.
Also, Marion Zimmer Bradley, she wrote a book about a guardian of a tower who takes a young woman to be her replacement, the girl is very unhappy as she's in love with some guy and there was a talking harp, I remember it was awesome but again, can't remember the name of the book, googling doesn't help as most of her books are out of print and impossible to find synopsis of. I'll keep looking.

As it turns out, googling Marion Zimmer Bradley novel with talking harp gets fuck all. ¬_¬

After spending the past few weeks doing essays and still having one left (but that can wait until tomorrow) I need a rest, I've spent all last night and this morning writing an essay and need a break before I start with my final essay of the semester.

I need a nap.

Actually its not too bad. I only have two exams and I'm confident about one and well, I should be able to pass the other, lets just hope the essay I handed in yesterday is so awesome it doesn't matter if I fail the exam...or don't do that well.

Ever felt like headbutting the world? Yeah I know that feeling. Purely because of one thing on my computer that drives me insane. Internet Explorer. Okay before you all go off on one about using Firefox and other web browsers etc I tried, I used Firefox but it uses so much RAM that it slows my computer down to a slow crawl. I have 3 gig of RAM and it was using well over half of it trying to load a website and well I don't need that shit slowing it down. I then tried Google Chrome, apparently it's meant to be faster but for some reason it hates my internet and when I click a link or enter a web address it takes at least two/three minutes before it realises I want it to work. Then it works, slowly and I get annoyed and feel like kicking it. I tried Opera but its hideous and just as slow at realising when I press enter, this is the bit where it loads the website up. So I went back to IE, this was fine until the windows update gave me IE8, that's where it went to heck.
Its slow, it refuses to remember my passwords even though it keeps asking me if I want it to remember them, it tells me I'm logged out of Facebook when I've been chatting to people ON FACEBOOK for half an hour or more, it does the same for other forums I use. In fact the only password it seems capable of remembering is Livejournal...don't ask me why, it just does.

I'm at a loss as to what to do, IE is clearly not working well for me, its driving me daft, but I also don't want my computer so slow it feels like I'm working with a machine three or four years old, not three or four months old.

Seems like a lose/lose situation to me.

Le sigh.

In other news, I have new headphones, one of my essays is done and just needs revising and I'm ready to start work on the next one...I hope. Oh and Callum is making me toast because I'm hungry and my blood sugar level needs catering to.
Happy days.

Later days.

I'm way too organised.
I have, bought tickets to see Wicked in February for Callum and myself. Bought train tickets to London (35.30 for both of us there and back, not bad at all!) they have arrived and are safetly tucked away with the tickets. Have planned to get underground passes around London so we don't have to pay on the day. Now we're considering what we can do when we're there. Oh, and Callum booked the two nights in the hotel, advanced booking means its just £70 for two nights in what looks like a rather nice hotel. (at least its not a total dive as far as we can tell)

Our ideas so far:
The Natural History Museum (I've never been and would love to go!)
The Petrie Egyptian Archaeology Museum (I will DEFINATELY be going to this, I didn't know it existed until I spotted it on the map and now I'm excited)
The British Museum (I've been before but there's always stuff I didn't get to see)

Callum is happy to be dragged around museums so he's not complaining lol.

If not for my aversion to casual sex I'd totally do a Belle de Jour and become a call girl. Of course knowing my luck I'd probably be told I'm not attractive enough for men to pay me for sex.
I look for part time jobs but honestly, what chance do I have, apart from the total lack of jobs around, I'm so nervous in interviews I bollox them up anyway, so it's not like anyone would hire me until I can get over my interview fear and stop looking like a total knob to complete strangers.

And yes I am aware I've made two male genetalia references in that paragraph. It was deliberate. Sue me.

 Despite my earlier idea of not getting into uni early, I was five minutes early anyway. ¬_¬ 
The seminar was good, for once the seminar tutor actually stuck to the point, didn't go off on one about Homer and didn't make me want to throw things at her head...too much. At one point she said "I'm going to ask Andrew to not answer anything today because he's the only one to ever answer" THANKS, THANKS A LOT, I FEEL MY SEMINAR CONTRIBUTIONS ARE COMPLETELY IGNORED. I know damn well I talk in that seminar and contribute things to the discussion, I don't like feeling that I'm the only person to fucking notice.

Anyway, other than that my day has been rather mundane, my book arrived, this makes me glee.

Ugh David Beckham made it onto the 2002 list of Greatest Britons...seriously, he kicks a ball about a field...Boy fucking George is on there too...I want to slam my head against the nearest wall as I pity for humanity.

Later days.

I will kill you all....in fiction.

I've just ordered The Crime Writers Reference: 1001  Tips for Writing the Perfect Crime, Howdunit Forensics: A Guide for Writers, and The Crime Writers Guide to Police Practice and Procedure.

I anticipate their arrival.

Muahahaha.

So the kitchen is mostly tidy, we have plates and other stuff, the oven is a bag of shit and killed the electricity so an electrician is going to fix this tomorrow or arrange for us to get a new oven. I vote for new oven, the old one doesn't have numbers or temperatures so yeah tis shit.

Um, my room is mostly organised, just needs a few more items sorting then vacuuming.

Huzzah!

Later days

PS: Chris is an arse because he hasn't moved in. XD

Remind me to never get my hair cut again.

I hate my hair, I look at it and feel like crying, the layers are wonky, the back rather than getting longer gradually just goes boom longer and so it looks like a long mullet, I hate it, its longer on one side than the other, before i got it cut i loved how it looked, but it had split ends, so I went and i should have asked for a trim, instead i got several inches taken off, it could be a year before my hair doesn't look shit and I want to cry now.

My hair was the one thing, the ONE fucking thing about myself that I liked, and now it looks horrible. Its stupid and its vain but is it too much to ask for a hairdresser who doesn;t fuck my hair up?

Something about being up late at night makes me start contemplating things.

I get bored at home and flick through mum's magazines, they're aimed at woman so generally have stories about cheating husbands with the ocasional murder thrown in.
They all have fashion and beauty sections, they seem to alternate on a weekly basis between telling women that they need to lose weight but not too much because slim girls are hideous and how being big is beautiful and oh yeah slim girls are hideous. They say that the right hair colour/style and the right make-up improves your chances of love and that wearing certain items of clothing will improve you for the male eyes.
They usually throw in that slim girls dont look good in any nice clothes so don't get too slim. (I wish I was kidding)

Recently I went to new look, i wanted a pair of jeans to go with my new boots. They claimed they had jeans in leg length 28, as hard as I looked I couldn't find any. There were plenty in other leg lengths but not my own. I looked around the store and there was nothing for the petite woman, however they did have a section for larger women and a section for taller women. Now this isn't the first time I've noticed that small women are generally not catered for, when the petite range first came in the items were terribly old fashioned aimed at older women. As a young woman I was not impressed. The magazine I buy things from has a petite range, however at best the clothes could be called working women or boring, its the plain and boring stuff thats made petite, the stuff you can wear to the office, nothing sexy and funky.

I read somewhere that petite models are around 5ft7, thats at least three inches taller than the largest size for petite clothing.

There's a shop called long tall sally, it caters for tall women and evans has clothing above size 14. Now I'm not saying larger people don't deserve nice clothes, I know how hard it is to find clothing that fits that is stylish, but despite all this, I still cannot find shops easily. Sure they might advertise they sell a certain size but look at the small print they generally say that not every store will sell the stuff. But I can imagine what would happen if shops stopped selling clothing for larger women, the word discrimination would be thrown about at every turn.

Vanity sizing meant that a size 8 became a size 6, so if you were a 12, look you're now a 10 and you didnt have to cut down on cake, you're not over weight, you're fantastic. Who cares about your health, it doesn't matter because now you're not an unhealthy size.
You see the thing that annoys me is, I eat, I have a healthy appetite and I enjoy food, I love salad and veg as well as meats and pasta and rice. My diet is varied and I also enjoy going for walks. So because I'm naturally slim I'm punished. Because I'm natually short, I cant find clothing that fits. How is this fair? If I say discrimination I'll be laughed at because well I'm so fucking lucky, I am slim and petite, I'm cute and adorable and guys love tiny women. Never mind the times I've been in tears because I've needed something smart for an interview or a party and nothing has fit, its all been huge, never mind the times I've been asked if I'm anorexic or bullemic because i'm small it doesnt matter if you're rude to me. Never mind the times people have assumed I diet or had surgery.
I'm small and thats what is wanted, well let me ask this, if its so wanted why do I have to walk around the shops for hours before I find clothing that even fits? Why can I go into any high street shop and find up to and over a size 20 and yet ask for a size 6 and I get sneered at "We don't have clothing that small".
Why is it only idiot models and air head footballers wives who think that being skinny is attractive, ask most people and they say that curves look better, so for women who can't gain weight, we're not wanted anywhere.

I get tired of insensitive comments about my weight, I get tired of people accusing me of being lucky, I get tired of hating how I look because no matter what I do I can't gain weight so can't be a normal clothing size.

Rant over.

Copy and paste the following questions into your LiveJournal, answering them as you go along. Give a brief description to those that don't require a yes or no. Be truthful! Your friends may ask you questions based on your answers. Afterwards, you can tag as many friends as you want, and they must do the same.

1: What is your favourite nickname personally?
Cat Goddess...or Pam

2: Who is your best friend that isn't on the internet?
Um Sazzy and Becci, they're on the internet but I met them offline, in the real world.

3: Do you like where you live?
Manchester, nuff said really

4: You freak people out when...
I describe in graphic detail having my head ripped open by a cat XD

5: Hentai or Taihen?
Hentai...or neither...what is Taihen dare I ask?

6: What are you listening to at the moment?
Hopeless Case - Less than Jake

7: Name two things you did this morning?
Drank caffeine, fussed the cats

8: Sport of choice?
I love watching Ice Hockey

9: If you could sledge one of your friends over anything, what would you say to them?
If you are who I think you are I'm totally confused by your behaviour, what do you want from me?

10: Country with Red and White in its flag?
England

11: Who is your favourite songwriter?
OOh, now thats a toughie, there are a lot of bands I like, Vidoll has nice lyrics, however find Hopeless Case by Less than Jake on youtube or something, it really hits a chord with me so yeah, I cant choose.

12: Radio station of choice?
None

13: First gaming console, and how old were you when you got it?
PS2, when I was about 20, I bought it from a friend who was moving to America

14: Name one thing you've done within the past two weeks that you feel rather proud of doing?
Well this was more than two weeks ago but I organised all my train tickets to see Cal and Becci, it was about 8 tickets in all and I did it without fecking up. (is trying to swear less)

15: Name one person who has a "hottie" crush on you.
Um, I had an anonymous love letter on Facebook in the honesty box, however, Cal has a hottie crush on me, and I assume other people may do too, after all lots of people were dropped on their heads at birth lol

16: One country you'd love to rule, for whatever reason?
America, I'd so love to be able to take the NHS and shove it in their face showing them that health care is not evil and that if the people are in better health than they can work and there would be more than 10% of the population above the poverty line. Also I'd bitch slap Bush and Bush jr.

17: What do you look for most in the opposite sex?
Nice smile and eyes, nice arms and hands (I dont know why, they just do it for me) cleanliness, humour and a brain

18: Older, Younger, or Either or?
I've dated older and younger but never the same age

19: Favourite foreign food, that is, cannot be related to your nationality?
Hmm, I love noodle dishes.

20: Anything you regret in the past year?
We all have regrets, I choose to not let them get me down anymore.

21: Most pleasing present you gave to a friend?
Weirdly enough, I gave a pair of socks I'd bought in Camden to Sazzy as a random gift, she was totally surprised and yeah that pleased me.

22: Three games (from different series) you've overplayed to death?
Phoenix Wright, SIMS, Theme Hospital

23: Pick a puzzle game.
Um...Cluedo?

24: Favourite character?
Tamaki Suoh, he makes me laugh all the time. Gambit from X-Men, he's awesome!

25: Sexual desire for said character?
Haha none really, I'd just hang out with him and have him serve me tea and cakes. Gambit is a hottie, so yeah *purr*

26: Pick a microcomputer (or a computer that isn't an IBM-type) that people haven't really heard of, and briefly say why you picked it?
Um...I don't really understand what I'm being asked, so, I'll tell you about my new laptop, its a Dell Inspiron 1545, in Cherry Red, its shiny and cute with a 15 inch screen and its surprisingly light and compact. I have an Ouran High School Host Club wallpaper on it and am enjoying its shinyness and the fact it has 3gb of RAM and a 160 GB hard drive.

27: What was the name of the game you last completed, and what system was it on?
Phoenix Wright 1 for the Nintendo DS

28: Favourite dessert?
Hard to say, I love Lemon Mirangue pie, Cheesecake (raspberry or lemon), Chocolate cake, chocolate mousse, Chris' baked cheesecake is God.

29: Favourite native food?
Fish and Chips! (I like mine with gravy)

30: Last thing you drew?
A smily face on the train window to make Callum smile as we said goodbye before I left for Manchester.

31: Last thing you wrote (that isn't this entry or a previous LiveJournal entry)?
I started a short story, its not going very well I have a mental block.

32: Last time you played a musical instrument, and what was it?
I sang yesterday for about twenty minutes, that totally counts.

33: Favourite hobby?
Writing, drawing, cooking yummy food (I'm a good cook but Chris is way better)

34: Milkshake or Flavoured Milk (there is a difference)?
Milkshake, i love refreshers milkshakes

35: Car Guy/Gal, or Bike Bloke/Babe?
Gotta admit, I'm a bike girl

36: If you could pick a dream date with one of your celebrity crushes, who would you pick and why?
Um, Ooh...one sec (goes to IMDB to find out his name) Taylor Kitsch who plays Gambit in X-Men Origins is a hotty, that and I love Gambit, he's amazing! There are rumours about a Gambit film, *squeals loudly*

37: Favourite personal catchphrase?
Meow

38: What's your dream car if you're a car guy/gal, or dream bike if you're a bike bloke/babe, but it has to be practical?
Um...The Honda VFR800 ABS, in red, its gorgeous.

39: If you had two million monies of your currency (i.e. £2,000,000), what would you do with it?
I'd buy a nice house, it needs, ahem, at least three bedrooms, a study, a room large enough to be a library, conservatory, large kitchen/dining room and a large lounge. Then I'd buy a shit load of books and dvd;s and comfy furniture.

40: Last but not least, who're you going to tag?
Callum, Becci, James, Sazzy you are tagged.

Recently I did something I haven't done in a long time. I watched an entire 26 episodes of an anime in a short space of time. Usually when it comes to watching anime I watch a few episodes and then get bored and don't watch any more. Chris had been rattling on about Ouran High School Host Club for a week or so, he sent me clips and it was amusing, so I decided to watch the first episode.
Luckily for me all 26 episodes, subs and dubs, were up on youtube, as youtube loads quicker than most websites that host shows I was pleased. I enjoyed the first episode, the style was nice, the dubbing was good (anime purists can sod off I couldn't be bothered reading sub-titles), I was quickly endeared to the characters, overall a good start, however this didn't mean I'd watch any further. By episode 4 I was happy to carry on watching, I recommended to Callum and he agreed with my praise of the show. When Callum came to visit for my birthday we spent the next three days watching the rest. By episode 9 I was happy to call it a favourite series. Not that anything in particular happened in episode 9 to make me say this, but the quality of the show did not disintergrate as happens so often with shows that are so called "OMG Amazing".
Last night I watched the final episode, it brought tears to my eyes but also did something that very few anime have succeeded in achieving, it rounded the plot up nicely, answered questions that were unanswered and generally gave a great ending that suited the tone of the anime. The thing with Ouran is, its very multi-genre, sure you can call it a comedy romance, but there's also levels of drama intersperced with action, it has boy love, girl love and het love, and none of the loves are pushed higher than any other. Though Haruhi and Tamaki are the couple most focused on its not the be all and end all of the anime, the lives of the host club members and how the host club came to be is pushed forward as the focus of the show. The characters like I said are endearing, at first obviously stereotyped we see that this is a clever ploy by the club members to help make the host club successful, once the show begins to focus on who the members are we see that they are individuals with common interests. Its rather refreshing to take a break from the generic characters and be entertained for 26 episodes by individuals.

Looking about online I saw a lot of people wanted a season two, for this reason I was worried about the final episode, many people seemed to be implying that there was too much left unsaid, however watching the episode the most I can say is where they watching the same episode I did? I can agree that a second season would not be unwelcome, the ending left it open for more crazy club hijinks and I would enjoy seeing a second season, however its highly unlikely that this will ever happen, the show was completed in 2006 and you would think by now that someone would have started thinking about a season 2, the series was only ever licensed for 26 episodes and whilst popularity of the show can encourage the creation of a second series I don't think it will happen with Ouran. As it stands it is wrapped up nicely, a second series may not be as well done, it could lead to questions needing answering that just don't get answered, all sorts of bad stuff that I don't want.

Now, having watched the series I plan to buy the DVDs, I enjoyed the show enough to do this, to support the creators by buying it on shiny DVD's I can watch over and over. I also searched ebay and found plushies, I want them! XD

Anyway thats enough rambling from me.

Later days.